Relapse

I'm in a bit of a downward spiral. It's unfortunate. I feel like I need to make changes in my life, but I can't really think of anything to do that I'm not already doing.

When I try to imagine what sort of life might possibly make me happy, this is what I imagine: Making a modest living from writing, not needing a day job, putting on free theatre like I used to in the Coffeehouse basement, having a small circle of close friends, dating someone, and having access, but not ownership of, some sort of vehicle.

But I'm not sure any of those things will ever happen again. And that's what makes me wish I were dead. Well, that and many other things. The fact that Christmas is a week away certainly doesn't help things. But don't worry, I'm not going to kill myself before the holidays. I will at least hold out until New Year's.

Wow, that was a lot of honesty. I think I have to go throw up now.