How to Keep Smiling...
I recently discovered the song "Eight Easy Steps" by Alanis Morrisette (see Radio selection). The premise of the song is that it's a pitch for one of those self-help workshops, but instead of actually being self-help, it's the opposite. Alanis promises, in "eight easy steps" to teach you:
* How to defer to men in solveable predicaments
* How to pretend you're fine and don't need help from anyone
* How to hate women when you're supposed to be a feminist
* How to lie to yourself and thereby to everyone else
* How to keep smiling when you're thinking of killing yourself
...and much, much more. The song kind of reminds me of when I first saw the book, "How to Lose Friends and Alienate People" and thought, Well, damn. Now what will I call my autobiography?
It got me thinking... If I could teach a self-destruction workshop, what would I teach people? Here are my ideas so far:
* How to write people off without giving them a chance
* How to feel guilty for things you can't control
* How to throw your convictions out the window for your boyfriend
* How to hold grudges instead of confronting people when they hurt you
* How to secretly hate all your closest friends
* How to find emotionally unavailable men irresistible
* How to simultaneously want, and feel pathetic for wanting, connection with other people
* How to use your intelligence to pull away from human interaction
* How to be nostalgic for one of the worst years of your life
* How to doubt the motives of everyone who's kind to you
* How to enjoy your own bitterness just enough to prevent you from making any attempts to improve your life
* How to make sure you never get the help you need
It's like Alanis says:
I've been doing research for years
I've been practicing my ass off
I've been training my whole life for this moment I swear to you
Culminating just to be this well-versed leader before you
* How to defer to men in solveable predicaments
* How to pretend you're fine and don't need help from anyone
* How to hate women when you're supposed to be a feminist
* How to lie to yourself and thereby to everyone else
* How to keep smiling when you're thinking of killing yourself
...and much, much more. The song kind of reminds me of when I first saw the book, "How to Lose Friends and Alienate People" and thought, Well, damn. Now what will I call my autobiography?
It got me thinking... If I could teach a self-destruction workshop, what would I teach people? Here are my ideas so far:
* How to write people off without giving them a chance
* How to feel guilty for things you can't control
* How to throw your convictions out the window for your boyfriend
* How to hold grudges instead of confronting people when they hurt you
* How to secretly hate all your closest friends
* How to find emotionally unavailable men irresistible
* How to simultaneously want, and feel pathetic for wanting, connection with other people
* How to use your intelligence to pull away from human interaction
* How to be nostalgic for one of the worst years of your life
* How to doubt the motives of everyone who's kind to you
* How to enjoy your own bitterness just enough to prevent you from making any attempts to improve your life
* How to make sure you never get the help you need
It's like Alanis says:
I've been doing research for years
I've been practicing my ass off
I've been training my whole life for this moment I swear to you
Culminating just to be this well-versed leader before you
On a Scale from 1 to Bitter:
1-800-Bitterness.com Radio: Alanis Morrisette - Eight Easy Steps
1-800-Bitterness.com Reading List: Bright Lights, Big City by Jay McInerney
1-800-Bitterness.com Radio: Alanis Morrisette - Eight Easy Steps
1-800-Bitterness.com Reading List: Bright Lights, Big City by Jay McInerney
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